ความเจ็บปวดครั้งสุดท้าย

posted on 18 May 2012 02:28 by klongkaew in fiction directory Fiction


ผมคิดมาตลอดว่าหากมีชีวิตเป็นนิรันดรได้ ก็ไม่มีอะไรต้องหวาดกลัว


ไม่ต้องกลัวที่จะสูญเสีย ไม่ต้องกลัวที่จะเจ็บปวด ไม่มีอะไรทำร้ายผมได้ 


มันทำให้ผมแสวงหาความเป็นนิรันดรมาทั้งชีวิต 


ถ้าหากไม่เจ็บปวด ถ้าหากไม่หวาดกลัว 


ผมย่อมแข็งแกร่งกว่าใคร


เป็นความคิดที่หล่อเลี้ยงความหวัง


ผมใช้ทั้งชีวิตตามหาความเป็นนิรันดร


จนกระทั่งในวินาทีสุดท้าย เมื่อความเป็นนิรันดรมาอยู่ตรงหน้า


ที่เส้นบรรจบของจุดสิ้นสุดกับความเป็นอมตะ 


เมื่อชีวิตของผมกำลังจะจบลง และกำลังจะคงอยู่ตลอดไปเพียงเอื้อมมือ


ผมกลับปล่อยมันร่วงหล่นลงสู่พื้น


แตกกระจาย


เพียงเพราะความคิดเล็กๆเปล่งประกายขึ้น


การดับสูญไม่ใช่สิ่งน่ากลัว


แต่การถูกทิ้งไว้เบื้องหลังต่างหาก


การเป็นอมตะไม่ใช่ไม่เจ็บ การเป็นอมตะไม่ใช่ไม่รู้จักความตาย 


แต่ไม่ว่าจะเจ็บเท่าไหร่ ไม่ว่าจะผ่านความตายไปอีกกี่ครั้ง 


การเป็นอมตะก็ดึงเรากลับมา  รอรับความเจ็บปวดครั้งใหม่ 


ผมยิ้มทั้งที่ร่างกายอ่อนแรงและหนาวเย็นอย่างประหลาด


ความมืดเข้าห่อหุ้มและทับถมเข้ามา แต่ผมกลับไม่รู้สึกกลัว


ทั้งยังยิ้มรับมันอย่างยินดี


อาจเป็นเพราะผมรู้  ว่ามันจะเป็นความเจ็บปวดครั้งสุดท้าย


 

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